Say what?… When your rebound makes use of you. Let that sink in for a second. I’ve been burning to put in writing a chunk about this. The actuality is human nature can certain be extremely fickle. And with fickleness, comes each the sharp and insipid. Yes, folks use one another on a regular basis, however what actually constitutes as mutual utilization/rebound-ness? And is it justified if each events have ulterior motives?
One of my insistent theories is that any new real love connection you’ve gotten is simply merely a rehashing or rebound from the earlier one. So to me, it comes right down to solely three potential outcomes. (Here are some intimate anecdotes for example).
This is the very conventional set-up. One occasion may be very clearly within the higher hand whereas the opposite will not be. And the one that’s has both not too long ago gotten out of a relationship, mentioned off the bat from the very begin that they weren’t searching for a relationship, has a monitor historical past of FWBs/informal flings, and has recurrently friend-zoned you (basically de-romanticize the s**t out of you).
In the start, I did actually discover this man intriguing as a romantic selection, however someplace alongside the road, I noticed we fought greater than we jived. And that made numerous riff in our relation to one another. But I mistook the strife as spark. We mentioned we have been seeing different folks but continuously talked to one another. I requested to be mates. He requested to be fwb. Lots of mutual orbiting. When he texted to vent in regards to the different lady he broke up with, the momentary “Oh, wow, he’s opening up to me and putting his trust in me,” lasted for about 3 seconds. That picture was simply shattered along with his actions. Whether or not it’s emotional or bodily, the rule of the rebound may be very a lot a direct transaction. End of story. 1 to 0 loss.
A recreation implies gamers. And the rebound recreation situation entails simply that. Two well-equipped gamers who each know what they’re doing. And both occasion could or could not know what the opposite is in search of. Maybe they don’t see it coming, however each will finally be taught the reality ultimately. This is not any direct transaction just like the previous. This is shady, manipulative however with a bow on prime.
I see this as one thing that may flip into the rule if one participant is extra avid than the opposite. But when each gamers are on the identical airplane, and have the identical hand, each events can truly tie and are available out of it fulfilled and in essence, clear. Free of any emotional muddle, guilt, or baggage. Because of the mutual payoff.
This man who knew I nonetheless had connections with my ex (and call with him) whereas I used to be seeing him… but, nonetheless selected to see me. Therefore, he performed the ‘lean on my shoulder’ card. He readily allowed entry to his feelings but additionally, his pants. He was pushy and really validation-seeking, ‘needy’ perhaps even. But so was I. I used to be nonetheless transitioning from a contemporary break-up. And like attracts like.
I didn’t give all the things he needed. But once I did give a sneak peak of letting him have what he aimed for, he would clam up. Because that’s what occurs, when it is only for the sport. It’s a “have you” not “with you” mentality. And he obtained to make use of me as soon as with an emotional and delicate challenge of his personal. He obtained to make use of that ‘shoulder’ card again on me eventually. Then out of nowhere, ghosts me. I used to be a bit of offended however not ever considerably as a result of I admit I used to be barely investing my true self in it. I used to be having fun with all of the floor stuffing of a pretend relationship. Neither of us actually misplaced. 0 to 0 loss.
And the Exception
This is essentially the most uncommon and most looked for. Where a real love connection can truly blossom. And is the FOIL of the Game. Unlike the sport, each events are trustworthy and open from the very begin. They could each be gamers, however as a substitute of subtly taking part in it underneath, they reveal their playing cards and come clean with their identities.
But it turns into deliciously contradictory. Because in an effort to attempt to be brazenly informal as potential, they change into extra severe. “Yeah, we’re just having fun…” turns into “We’re only having fun….” that finally ends with “I want to keep having this fun.”
This was the most effective 1.5 months I ever had with anybody. Our chemistry was out of this, I daresay, lifespan, world, time interval, no matter you wish to name it. I felt deeply related to him not simply on the emotional, mental, and bodily degree however immaterially too- on the non secular degree. Twin flames, soulmates. If you imagine in all that. Call it that. Because true emotions are spontaneous and fixed on the identical time. They could also be sudden however they’re so sure and intense that it leaves you little doubt. But you meet within the very ‘rebound’ setting/utilization setting. So it’s possible you’ll preserve this individual as a buddy, till you escape it. And whenever you’re prepared, then lastly you possibly can ‘un’sure your rebound to finally have one thing terribly out of bounds. 1 to 1 loss until then.
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