It can be devastating to discover the one you love has had an affair. The anger and hurt can overwhelm you, leaving you feeling utterly betrayed by the person who you trusted and gave your heart to.
After you experience being cheated on, you have to reclaim yourself from an affair. If you are going to continue your relationship, you must free your mind from the memories of it. If you decide to stay in the relationship you must determine the path forward of how to proceed toward making things whole again after an affair. Even if you decide to end the relationship, you must get over it.
Seeking a professional to help you work through problems and restore your relationship is recommended. But you need to accept responsibility in making important decisions about your life. It’s your marriage, and you need to take charge of it.
The effect that an affair has on a relationship is personal. There’s no formula that can be package into a solution that is guaranteed to keep the two of you together. It comes down to your love for each other and a commitment to save your marriage.
There are some time-tested things you can do to get over an affair that can work to save your marriage.
1.You must forgive.
No marriage can survive an affair unless there’s a willingness to forgive. If anger and bitterness take root and fester in an unforgiving heart, the marriage is destined to fail.
2. Seek help.
If you are open to outside help, you can get a qualified marriage counsellor who’s trained to work with couples in resolving their marital problems. There is also on-line resources you can download that offers help in the form of videos, audio, and e-books. This method is preferred by many for its affordability and privacy. Also, Spiritual guidance can be a source of help and comfort. Having someone to talk to and pray for you, can get you through a rough time. And there’s no substitute for loving friends and family, when you need support.
3. Be gentle to yourself.
Don’t blame yourself for your wife’s or husband’s infidelity. Each of us have to be accountable for the choices that we make in life. There are enough burdens each of us have to carry. Don’t take on the blame for partner’s affair.
4. Let Go and Move On.
Don’t pick at and rehash the affair again and again. Let go of the anger and hurt. Like a sore that’s picked at, your relationship will become infected with the lingering effects of the affair, if you cannot or will not let go of what happened to you.
5. Do things that you enjoy.
Dine out with a friend. Take in a movie. Go on a trip to some place where you have been longing to visit. Listen to some music that you enjoy. Read a book that inspires you.
6. Take the time you need to get over an affair.
Don’t rush yourself into doing anything before you have had time to reflect and heal. Give yourself the time you need to ponder your choices, before deciding what you want to do about the affair.
7. Prepare yourself to say “good-bye”
After a lengthy period of time has passed, and you still haven’t got over the fact that your wife or husband had an affair, it’s time to say good-bye. If you are looking at your partner’s emails, sifting through his or her text and phone messages, then the trust is gone. It’s time to accept that the relationship has not been restored, despite your efforts. You have no emotional security nor stability in your marriage any more. It is rife with suspicion and distrust. In order to obtain a sense of well-being, you need to be able to have the kind of relationship where you can love and trust again.
Getting over an affair isn’t easy. You tried. Sometimes staying in a relationship no longer works for you.