A muffled hello is all that’s uttered from your stoic demeanor, as you walk into the house. You give your partner a quick embrace, a pat on the lips. After a hard day you just want to relax. You don’t want to be confronted with problems. That somber look on your partner’s face is ignored by you. Days passed, without any obvious problems in your marriage to you. Then suddenly, you are faced with a problem in your marriage, and you never notice the warning signs.
Take a look at some of the things that affect a marriage.
1. Availability: There has to be a time and place to discuss problems and issues. Preferably, when you both can be attentive to each other without the frustrations of the day still lingering and nagging at you. Most can agree, that right after you come home from work is not a good time.
2. Avoid criticizing your partner: He will more likely to open-up about his frustrations to you, if he doesn’t feel judged or criticized by you. Listening to your partner makes him feel what he’s saying is important to you. Respond with soft words. “It seems like you have been under a lot of stress. Would you like to talk about it? How can I help?”
3. Don’t give mixed messages: Say what you mean. A yes should never mean a no, nor a no a yes. A partner should not have to strain to figure out what you mean. Don’t act like nothing is bothering you, when you fuming inside. When it is obvious by the tightness of your jaws, the piercing stare from the eyes, and the furrowed brow. And when it can be heard from the words coming from mouth like darts aimed at a target. “It doesn’t matter! Do what you want to do!” This type of response clouds the communication and makes it impossible for your partner to know what you want from them. It’s best to give a definitive answer. “Yes. Let’s discuss it tomorrow night at 9 o’ clock.” Don’t send out mixed messages to your partner!
4. Show restrains: At first thought, it may seem like a good idea to tell your partner everything that’s on your mind. But, some restrain is good. Don’t bombard your partner with a lots of things. He may shut down and refuse to listen to anything you have to say. If your partner feels overwhelm, he may not be willing to deal with any problem. Keep in mind it takes time to work out problems.
5. Unresolved Conflict: This can occur when a problem has been discussed and one partner assumes a solution was reached. But the other partner did not have the same conclusion. So the problem still exists between the two of you. You must again address the problem.This time note whether both of you agree that a resolution to the problem has been reached. Make sure you reached an agreement that the two of you settled on. To avoid an assumption that a problem has been agreed to, an understanding must take place as to the solution the two of you settled on.
6. Reaffirm your love and commitment: After hurt feelings and intense differences have occurred, showing tenderness and affection is a way to bring back closeness when there’s been bitter conflict between the two of you. Take the time to show that your love and commitment is still rock solid.
7. Differences: This can cause marriage conflict, if you don’t accept that your wife or husband has the right to like certain things that you do not like. He may want to watch sports, which is something you would rather avoid. So while he’s watching a football game, why not call up a friend or work on that special project you have been putting off. Accept the person that you are married to for who they are. To try to change your husband or wife can result in serious consequences that can affect your marriage negatively. Differences is what makes life interesting.
8. Stay connected: Find the time each day to be together. Spend the moments talking and listening to each other. It is this time when you should share what’s on your mind and heart. Communicate to your wife and husband about things that are important to you. This will enable you to meet each other needs lovingly.