Posted Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 | Tagged in : Divorce & Breakups, Relationship Advice By Admin
Most people want their marriage to be true to the vows that were spoken, but unfortunately there are circumstances which can lead to the ending of a marriage. Due to various reasons, a marriage can fail to work, resulting in a divorce. But the longing for a companion, someone to share your life with, doesn’t end. Taking the steps to begin a new relationship is not easy, especially when you were with your ex for a long time. You must be willing to venture out, to believe you will find someone you can love and who will love you.
Here are some things to avoid in your marriage the second time around.
1. This is an obvious one, but still needs to be repeated, don’t bring in old baggage from your previous marriage. Bury the anger, disappointments, mistrust, accusations, and suspicion that’s associated with your past. If you harbor these issues, they will haunt your new relationship, stifling the growth of a fresh beginning. For example, if there was infidelity in your previous marriage, it is a mistake to cling to that hurt. If you cannot let go of the old hurts, you may end of accusing your current partner of cheating on you. Avoid committing to someone until you are sure you have gotten over issues related to your previous marriage. If necessary, seek the help of a professional who specializes in personal problems.
2. If you share joint custody of your children with your ex husband, let the new man or woman in your life know about the arrangement. This will help to alleviate tensions that may occur later. Avoid being overly friendly with your ex, as it might cause unnecessary jealousy. Sharing moments with your ex, “Remember the time…” can stroke the anger in an insecure partner causing you problems in your new relationship. This does not mean you should be uncivil or hostile in attitude with your ex, just be mindful to exercise caution to make sure the new love does not misinterpret your actions as anything than friendly.
3. Avoid comparing your current partner with your ex! No one wants to be in the rearview mirror of someone’s memory. Comparing someone to another person is a mistake that many people make either consciously or subconsciously. Keep in mind that you have a fresh beginning with someone new. Treat the new person in your life-like someone you never knew. Don’t contaminate your relationship by comparing your new love with someone you got rid of in your past! Judge your partner by their own actions.
4. Don’t keep too many mementos and things from your previous marriage or relationship. It only serves as a constant reminder of the other person. To reiterate, bury your past. You shouldn’t want something hanging around that stirs up feelings unrelated to your current partner. Cherish the memories! But do not attach sentimental value to things that causes your current partner to feel insecure about your love for them. No one can wipe away their past. There are things that will be with you forever. But everyday is also a new beginning for you and the person you have chosen to share your life.
5. It is important that your child/ren from your previous relationship get to know your new partner. Your child/ren may not like the person you bring home. Don’t force your child/ren to accept someone just for you. Let them come to terms with the new person in your life in their own way and time. After an adjustment period, your child/ren may come to accept this new person. But your child/ren needs the time to develop a relationship with your new partner, before love can formed.
To have a new beginning, you must leave the past behind. You must seize the moment when the opportunity comes again to share your life with someone. Grab hold of it! Don’t let it slip away!