As you look back to when you dated your wife or husband, you probably remember what you were wearing. You still recall the food you ate and the things you said to each other. The song that was playing on the car radio is still a memorable refrain. You even remember how it felt to hold hands. But now after being married for a while it seems like the disagreements between the two of you is what lingers in your mind. The dirty dishes being left in the sink bother you more than it use to. Where did the spark between the two of you go, that was once so strong you wonder.
Marriage is a day-to-day routine with many responsibilities that can take its toll on a couple. It’s normal for the newness to wane and the excitement to subside. The good news is no matter how long you have been together you can find that excitement for each other again.
To capture that spark again.
Let your partner know what you need to be happy and fulfill. Spend time alone together. But don’t use this time to discuss the bills, the kids, or the leaky faucet. Focus only on the two of you. Show tenderness toward your wife or husband like you used to do. Open up to each other with words of love and appreciation. Spend the time-sharing with your spouse how she or he meets your needs and makes you happy. Make this a time for relating to each other as friends. Couples who place importance on maintaining a friendship with each other find their marriage to be more satisfying. Take the time to get away to reconnect as lovers and friends.
Pay attention to what is reveal through your partner’s verbal and non-verbal communication. Listening is more than just hearing someone’s words. It’s taking the time to pay attention, to understand what actually being said and reveal to you. Listen to the tone of the words. Learn to pick up the non verbal message that your partner’s body language is saying to you. Be thoughtful and considerate not to interrupt your when s/he is speaking to you.
Set aside time to be together. Plan a day of the week or month, whatever is your preference, when you can go out on a date together. Do things together that you both enjoy. You can jog together or walk along the beach. You can get some finger foods, refreshing beverages and have a picnic in the park. Or take a drive to a romantic spot where the two of you can relax. Let the cares of the day just disappear for a while as you cuddle together on the couch watching a movie. Play a non-competitive game together that’s fun. The objective is for the two of you to be together and have fun, without the stress of family matters or business issues.
Make having fun a priority for the two of you.
Doing something out of the ordinary changes a monotonous day into an extraordinary day. It can provide a spark of excitement and makes the day for the two of you. Planning a special day doesn’t have to require you to spend money. It can be something as simple as listening to your favorite music, cooking something that you both love. The possibilities are endless for doing something spontaneous or planning something that’s fun that the two of you can do. Spontaneity can contribute greatly to keeping your marriage alive.