How to save a marriage

Posted Saturday, June 15th, 2013 | Tagged in : Marriage & Relationship, Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage, Tips By Admin
Untitled-1Marriage can be something really special. You get to share everyday with the person you love. But, it can also be challenging and frustrating. The question of “How To Save A Marriage?” is a difficult one. It means dealing with serious issues.  And it is different for each couple. Only you can determine what will work in maintaining and preserving your marriage

Through time there has been tried and tested ways that couples have discovered ways on how to save a marriage.  If you want to save your marriage, there are things you must do.

Such as:

Forgive

Mistakes are a part of life. Give your husband or wife a chance to make things right with you. When you forgive, you have to mean it. You must show it in your words and actions. There’s no greater impediment to saving a relationship, if you cannot forgive.

Acceptance

Learn to live with your wife’s or husband’s shortcomings. No one is perfect! Don’t react to every little thing in a negative way. Don’t try to change the person you are married to. Your acceptance is the best thing to give, it says to him or her, I love you just the way you are.

Compromise

Meet your your wife or husband halfway. Be open and flexible. You don’t have to compromise everything. But you should be willing to compromise sometimes, to meet their expectations. If you are the personality type that has to always have your way, it can leave your partner feeling imposed upon all the time. If you are not willing to compromise the problems will continue between you.

Choose thoughtful words

Avoid hurtful words. When the situation has grown intense, choose your words carefully. Speak with a kind tone. Harsh words can drive a wedge between the two of you.  Your words can make it better or worse. So think before you speak. Thoughtfulness is a key ingredient in how to save a marriage and secure a strong relationship.

Assumptions

Don’t assume things based upon your partner’s previous reaction and decision to something . Give your partner an opportunity to explain their actions. Don’t draw a conclusion, before having all the facts. Instead of presuming something, talk things over. Listen to each other with an open mind. Try to work out an issue where you both can agree on a solution.

Never tolerate abusive language nor physical abuse.

If the situation ends up abusive, wait until things calm down, before proceeding toward a solution. Never stick around when there’s physical abuse.  Get professional help as soon as possible.

Apologize

Be willing to apologize if you have done something to hurt your partner. But don’t apologize just to make things better. You really have to mean it. Give thought to why you need to apologize. If you made a mistake, be big enough to admit to it. Don’t let pride get in the way.

Maintain Intimacy

Intimacy is very important to keep your relationship strong. It is a key component in “How To Save A Marriage.” A lack of intimacy can make you vulnerable to go outside of your marriage. If you are having problems, don’t withhold your love as a way to deprive your partner. Nothing can destroy a relationship or marriage more, then a partner feeling unwanted and unloved.

Appreciate your wife/husband.                                               

Find ways whether big or small to always show your wife or husband that you value the things that are done for you.  Take the time to express your love with words and deeds. The only way your wife or husband can know how much you appreciate him or her, is by you showing it.

Save My Marriage (Ten tips on How to Do It)

Posted Monday, May 27th, 2013 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage, Save Your Relationship | Get Your Ex Back By Admin

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Everyday you are bombarded by all kinds of advice about relationships and marriage. At mrmarriagesaver  we want to give you important information that you will find helpful.  It is a good idea to think out of the box. Don’t automatically dismiss something without giving it a try. It could be the one thing that will save your marriage. So if you are searching for ways to save your marriage, before it is too late, help is available. At mrmarriagesaver.com you will find resources in the form of articles, products, and services that can assist you with taking on the challenge of saving your marriage.

The ten things listed here are a place to start when you need an answer to your question, “save my marriage.”

 

 

  1. Ask yourself if the spark is still there. If you have fallen into a routine, a comfort zone, you are going to have to shake things up. There has to be a commitment to want to save your marriage. You may have to seek outside help or find resources for ideas and ways to recapture what you once had together.
  2. Is there communication? Second point to look at and ask yourself about is the communication. Is it good? How often do you say the following things to your partner?
    – How are you?
    –  How do you feel about us?
    –  What can we do together to make things right again?
    Notice that none of the phrases contained the word “I”. Make an effort every day to get to know your partner again, their thoughts, their feelings. Ask open-ended questions that will get you talking again.
  3. Look at your weekly routines and make changes.  If you have a guys’ night out and she has a girls’ night out, then choose one night that is just for you as a couple.
  4. Do something spontaneous, out of the ordinary! Suggest to your partner that you book a last-minute trip somewhere. When on the trip, don’t just lie around the pool, go out on boat trips, jeep safari or other thrill seeking adventures. Make it a fun and exciting time together.
  5. . Avoid being critical of your partner.  If you are constantly criticizing your partner then they will always be on the defense. Ok, so she has put on a couple of pounds since you married, chances are so have you.
  6. Don’t have arguments, have discussions.  It is completely untrue that arguments are good for a marriage. Discussions are better as each side can calmly put their point across and at the same time listen to the other. If you feel tempers are getting heated, explain you are walking away and will be back to talk when you have calmed down.
  7. Take the spotlight off yourself. Instead of saying I want to talk, rephrase it to, “Can we talk?” Start thinking like partners, who are working together like a team for the success of your relationship. And as partners the words, (we) (us) should be an integral  part of how you communicate.
  8. Are there any outside influences causing a change in the marriage? Did problems start when you changed jobs, moved to another house, made new friends? If there are any outside influences that you feel are causing a problem in your marriage, then get your feelings out into the open about it. Don’t keep unhappy feelings festering inside.
  9. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Think about how he or she feels. You want to go out tonight and he/she does not. Did they have a hard day at the office? Do they feel well? Would they rather do something else? Like watch a game, or cuddle in front of the television?
  10. Don’t just take. Remember give to your partner.  Taking for both partners is natural. Most people enjoy being on the receiving end of things. But, it’s like that old adage, “It’s better to give then receive.” Even if you don’t believe this, you know that when you give something to someone, it has a way of making  you feel good. And to the person that  you are giving something to, it makes them feel loved and appreciated by you.
    If you try the things above and it does not work out for you, don’t lose hope. There are other resources available to you. An independent view can often shred light on the issues that are causing problems in your marriage that you cannot see.

Can My Marriage Be Saved?

Posted Monday, May 27th, 2013 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage, Save Your Relationship | Get Your Ex Back By Admin

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If you have had serious problems in your marriage, you are probably asking yourself the same type of question, which is, “can my marriage be saved?”

There are certain factors that can indicate whether a marriage can be saved or not. The key factor is, do the two of you want to save your marriage?

When my wife cheated, I felt ripped apart. No way, I thought, could I forgive her. Nor love her again. I needed time to forgive. I needed time to think. And I needed time to heal. I could not may a quick decision based on how I felt at that moment. To me, the question, could my marriage be saved, was no. At that moment, my emotions were intense and out of control.

If your feelings are similar, you need to wait to sort through things, then decide what you should do. But no matter how critical the situation is, the answer to the question, “can my marriage be saved?,” will have to be determined after you have had enough time to assess the situation to decide what’s the best course of action for the two of you.

Look at the following statements. Select the one that best describes your feelings and thoughts about your wife or husband.

  1. Even though I was cheated on, I still love my wife. My family and closest friends told me to leave her. But their advice bothers me.
  2. didn’t spend enough time with my wife. I was busy working. And when I was home, I was preoccupied with other interests. Thinking back, I now know that I took my wife for granted. Not that it is an excuse for her unfaithfulness. But the way I treated her, contribute to her looking outside of our marriage.
  3. When I describe my husband I use words like “thoughtful”, “responsible”, and “considerate.” He’s also a good provider and helps me with the children. I realized that the positive words reflect how I really feel about him.
  4. Despite the anger and hurt I feel, I don’t want to give up on my marriage. I don’t want to end my marriage over a momentary indiscretion. At one time we were “crazy in love”. If I felt that way then, maybe I can feel the same way again.
  5. In a moment of intense bitterness I considered divorce. I did not even want to try to save my marriage. But after some soul searching, I couldn’t bring myself to get a divorce.
  6. If we are both willing to look at what went wrong in our marriage, to understand and make things better, then our marriage can become stronger.

Of course it won’t be easy to save your marriage. It may take professional intervention. It will take a lot of talking and listening. And you will need to make the effort to understand and have the patience to hang in here when things get tough. Nothing less than a commitment to your wife or husband will be needed to see the marriage through. Only then will you be able to answer the question, “can my marriage be saved?”

How To Keep A Happy Marriage

Posted Sunday, September 2nd, 2012 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage By Admin
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Marriage can be something really special. You get to share everyday with the person you love. But, there are times when it can be frustrating and even exhausting. Here are some simple things you can do to help keep your marriage happy.

Listening to your wife or husband is a key element in having a successful marriage. When your spouse needs to speak to you, stop whatever you are doing and take the time to listen. Marriage is all about sharing  information and expressing how you feel with each other.  It’s important to listen when your partner speaks.

Trust. Most couples agree that trust is a necessity in marriage. Without it, everything that your wife or husband does is question by you.  To build a strong happy marriage, you must be able to pursue different interests and foster outside relationships with others. For this to take place, there has to be trust between you.

Communication helps you understand each other better. It doesn’t solve all your problems. But if the two of you are talking to one another there’s a chance that a solution can be found.

Admit Mistakes. Acknowledging that you made a mistake is not an easy thing to do.  Admitting to a mistake and saying you’re sorry is one of the hardest thing to do. Pride or ego has to be sat aside.  If you made a mistake, say so,  apologize and be done with it.  It’s an important thing to do in maintaining a happy marriage.

Don’t Compare Yourself with Others. Treasure what means the most to you. There may be times when seeing others who are more affluent make you feel badly, especially if you are struggling from one week to another trying to survive economically.  You must never allow jealousy or envy to creep into your mind, because of the success of others. Everybody situation is different.  Keep in mind that just because some married couple are well off financially, it doesn’t  protect them from not having problems. Treasure moments you have with your family.

Plan Your Finances. One of the most common causes that keep couples from having a happy marriage is finances. Mortgage payments, car installments, utility bills, credit cards, repairs, and a lot of other expenses can put strains onto a marriage. It is a good idea to spend time with your wife or husband in planning finances.   Keep track of where your money is going to control your spending as a couple. The two of you will be amazed at how much money you can save by tracking those dollars and cents.

Convincing Your Wife Or Husband To Save The Marriage

Posted Monday, July 2nd, 2012 | Tagged in : After An Affair, Relationship Advice, Save Your Marriage By Admin

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It is a fact, that if you are married, you will have problems to overcome. If the problems are serious,  and you have decided to work at keeping your relationship together, prepare yourself, it will not be easy in convincing your wife or husband to save the marriage when they want out.

To convince your wife or husband to save the marriage you must:

Accept responsibility: None of us are perfect! As the old adage says, “To err is to be human.” Acknowledging and accepting responsibility for the mistakes you made in your marriage can help resolve conflicts and hurt feelings. It shows your wife or husband that you realize that you contribute to the problems in your marriage.

Talk and Listen: Let your wife or husband know how you feel by talking things out. Use “I” statements. Don’t say, “You hurt me.” Instead say, I felt hurt.” Try to avoid saying “You” in an accusing tone or voice. Take the time to listen. Let your wife or husband tell you their concerns and how they feel. Be willing to listen to a different perspective about your marriage. Talking and listening to each other can create an atmosphere where it is easier for your efforts at convincing your wife or husband to save the marriage.

Seek Advice/Counseling: If you are a person of faith, you can seek the advice of your pastor. Ask that prayer be offered for the reconciliation between you and your wife or husband. If you prefer a secular approach to solving your marriage problems, you can seek out the advice of a professional marriage counselor. Approach the subject of marital counseling with sensitivity. Understand that your wife or husband may be unwilling to even consider counseling. They may feel pressured by you and think you are blaming the problems in your marriage on them. Don’t stoop to any form of manipulation by pleading with them. Don’t threaten to harm yourself, if they refuse to agree to attend marriage counseling with you.

Look After Yourself: Get the proper amount of rest to look and feel your best. Even though you are going through a difficult period in your life, don’t neglect to take good care of your health. Make sure you perform your everyday responsibilities. If it is necessary, get someone to help you with the issues you may be struggling to overcome.

Give it Time: Even though your wife or husband is not responding positively to your efforts, don’t lose hope. They just may need time to realize your commitment to the marriage and that it is worth saving. If the end result is that your wife or husband decides to continue the marriage, having had the patience to see things through, will make the waiting the best thing you ever done.

Five Key Elements On How To Save A Marriage

Posted Tuesday, June 26th, 2012 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Marriage Made Easy, Save Your Marriage By Admin
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In today’s world, more than 50% of all marriages end with divorce. Against such odds, it is a necessity for couples to learn how to save a marriage. When problems arise you must try to act in a calm manner to resolve the conflict between the two of you. It certainly won’t be  easy due to the intense feelings that occur in marriage. But if you take care of the basic issues that the two of you have,  there’s a good chance you can prevent the more serious problems from ending your marriage.  While there is no magic formula, you can join the many couples that have learned the key elements on how to save a marriage. 

Control your emotions.

Discuss issues when you and your partner are in a frame of mind to have a conversation together. It’s important for both of you to talk openly about what’s bothering you without being agitated with each other. When emotions are out of control you may say things in anger. Try to work out the issues between you amicably, where the two of you can reach a resolution you both can agree to. Realize you both will see things differently about the issues that affect you. It is not necessary to agree on everything. But you must be able to reach an understanding.

Continue to Talk.

When you marry someone you plan to build your life together.  If the two of you stop talking to each other it can create distance between you. After awhile it’s like two strangers living together.  When communication is lacking the two of you lose the intimacy and closeness that is a part of marriage. You must take time to talk about things. This is a key element on how to save a marriage. So leave the attitude that “if he isn’t talking why should I?” Don’t make the situation worse, by shutting out your partner with the silent treatment.  Talking things over is the best chance to resolve your problems.

Don’t beg your spouse to stay if they want to leave.

Crying and begging your partner to stay may annoy him or her.Your spouse may get turned off and say “That’s the reason I am leaving, you are too pathetic and needy”  Or they feel sorry for you and decided to stay for a while. But it is only temporary.  It is  no lasting solution to your  problems. Both of you must want to stay together. There can’t be pressured. If your wife or husband wants some time alone to think about things, give them the time they need. The time apart could have a positive impact on your relationship.

Don’t involve your family and friends in your marriage problems. 

If you want suggestions on what to do about your problems, consult a neutral party. Avoid talking about your marriage problems to your friends and family. It can cause resentment to build up. It is not a good idea to have friends and family choosing sides. It is okay to accept support from family and friends during difficult times in your marriage. But don’t want them being blamed or targeted with resentment by the other partner.

Seek marriage counseling for help.
If you need expert counseling don’t hesitate to seek it out. Be sure to check their credentials. Even if your partner refuses to go, you should attend the counseling session for what you can get out of it. It can provide you with guidance and support at a time when you need it the most.  It will be worth the effort just to come away with some answers on how to save your marriage.

Fixing Your Marriage Can Help You Live Longer

Posted Tuesday, June 19th, 2012 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Relationship Advice, Save Your Marriage By Admin
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Fixing your marriage is hard work. Not only do you have to repair the damage already done, you also have to learn how to safeguard your marriage for the future. You have to make changes in the way you communicate and connect with each other. And it  can also be tough on your budget. Couples therapy and couples coaching can cost hundreds of dollars. The alternative is relationship help books and online help, these methods can be much more cost-effective at fixing your relationship.

So why fix your relationship? According to one study, it can actually help you live longer.

Published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, the study found that divorced individuals are 27 percent more likely to die than married people. In fact, according to the study, married people life expectancy is better when compared to individuals that are widowed or have never been married. The results? You guessed it! Married people, overall, have a longer life expectancy than all of them.
Another study estimated the amount of time that married people can expect to live than their single friends. Researchers found that married men could live between 8 to 17 years longer than their single friends. Married women were expected to live between  7 to 15 years longer than their single counterparts.

But why?

One reason is, married couples are often have better benefits. They have a higher income level. Married couples are also likely to encourage each other to eat better, to exercise and to go to the doctor. Married couples also tend to take fewer life-threatening risks than single people, this is especially true in regards to single men.

So, this is all great news for married couples, right? Yes and no. It is good because it does indicate that there is value in marriage. But, there aren’t any studies on how an unhappy marriage can affect health and life expectancy. If there were, it is certain that life expectancy and the health of the unhappily married, would adversely affect them.

undefinedStress, depression and anger are all bad for your health. These things are all felt in an unhappy marriage. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Many couples who  start experiencing struggles and lose the connection with their partner, simply throw their hands up in the air and see divorce as the answer. Others claw at their partner in an attempt to reconnect. But this usually drives them further apart. There are better ways of fixing your marriage or relationship. The benefits to your health and life expectancy is worth it.

A good marriage provides love, acceptance, and companionship. These are just a few of the things to living a longer healthier life. To enjoy these wonderful advantages of being married, is just the icing on the cake. At Mr Marriage Saver, you will receive support and find resources in the form of articles, products, and services that will provide you with answers to help you build and maintain a lasting marriage.

Things that Affect A Marriage

Posted Saturday, June 2nd, 2012 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage By Admin
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A muffled hello is all that’s uttered from your stoic demeanor, as you walk into the house. You give your partner a quick embrace, a pat on the lips. After a hard day you just want to relax. You don’t want to be confronted with problems. That somber look on your partner’s face is ignored by you. Days passed, without any obvious problems in your marriage to you. Then suddenly,  you are faced with a problem in your marriage, and you never notice the warning signs.

Take a look at some of the things that affect a marriage.

1. Availability:  There has to be a time and place to discuss problems and issues. Preferably, when you both can be attentive to each other without the frustrations of the day still lingering and nagging at you. Most can agree, that right after you come home from work is not a good time.

2. Avoid criticizing your partner: He will more likely to open-up about his frustrations to you, if he doesn’t feel judged or criticized by you. Listening to your partner makes him feel what he’s saying is important to you. Respond with soft words. “It seems like you have been under a lot of stress. Would you like to talk about it? How can I help?”

3. Don’t give mixed messages: Say what you mean. A yes should never mean a no, nor a no a yes. A partner should not have to strain to figure out what you mean. Don’t act like nothing is bothering you, when you fuming inside.  When it is obvious by the tightness of your jaws, the piercing stare from the eyes, and the furrowed brow. And when it can be heard from the words coming from mouth like darts aimed at a target. “It doesn’t matter! Do what you want to do!” This type of response clouds the communication and makes it impossible for your partner to know what you want from them. It’s best to give a definitive answer. “Yes.  Let’s discuss it tomorrow night at 9 o’ clock.”  Don’t send out mixed messages to your partner!

4. Show restrains:  At first thought, it may seem like a good idea to tell your partner everything that’s on your mind. But, some restrain is good. Don’t bombard your partner with a lots of things. He may shut down and refuse to listen to anything you have to say. If your partner feels overwhelm, he may not be willing to deal with any problem. Keep in mind it takes time to work out problems.

5. Unresolved Conflict: This can occur when a problem has been discussed and one partner assumes a solution was reached. But the other partner did not have the same conclusion. So the problem still exists between the two of you.  You must again address the problem.This time note whether both of you agree that a resolution to the problem has been reached. Make sure you reached an agreement that the two of you settled on. To avoid an assumption that a problem has been agreed to, an understanding must take place as to the solution the two of you settled on.

6. Reaffirm your love and commitment:  After hurt feelings and intense differences have occurred, showing tenderness and affection is a way to bring back closeness when there’s been bitter conflict between the two of you. Take the time to show that your love and commitment is still rock solid.

7.  Differences: This can cause marriage conflict, if you don’t accept that your wife or husband has the right to like certain things that you do not like. He may want to watch sports, which is something you would rather avoid. So while he’s watching a  football game, why not call up a friend or work on that special project you have been putting off. Accept the person that you are married to for who they are. To try to change your husband or wife can result in serious consequences that can  affect your marriage negatively. Differences is what makes life interesting.

8. Stay connected: Find the time each day to be together. Spend the moments talking and listening  to each other. It is this time when you should share what’s on your mind and heart. Communicate to your wife and husband about things that are important to you. This will enable  you to meet each other needs lovingly.

Protect Your Marriage and Avoid Emotional Infidelity

Posted Monday, January 30th, 2012 | Tagged in : Marriage Help, Save Your Marriage By Admin
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Making sure that you keep members of the opposite sex out of the “intimate way” is very important to keeping your marriage strong, happy, and successful. Here are some tips that would help you keep away from the temptation of having an emotional affair.

  • Keep Everything Strictly Professional at Work
    It is important that you keep reminding yourself about what is integral to your job and what is not. Though it is very necessary to have good relationships with your colleagues, things need to remain professional. It is okay to ask a colleague about how his or her sick child is doing or how their big family reunion went but spending an hour chatting is never a good idea. Make sure that all conversations are simple, short and to the point.
  • Avoid Meeting Colleagues of the Opposite Sex Outside the Office
    There may be times when you need to spend long hours at work with a colleague when there is an important project that needs to be completed. However, it would be better to have your meals at the office than go out to a restaurant. The office is much less intimate and will prevent any discussion about things not related to the project at hand. After the project completion, keep the celebrations at the office and to a minimum. If you must meet your colleague outside work, make sure the meeting takes place in a very public space.
  • Group Meetings are Best
    If you need to meet with a colleague of the opposite sex, always find ways to include another person for the meeting. Have a co-worker tag along as having someone with you will help prevent any possibility for intimacy.
  • End Personal Conversations in a Polite Way
    When a conversation with a colleague starts going the intimate way, it may be best to find a way to end the conversation in a polite way. If the person is asking for very personal advice, refer the person to a professional or someone who may be more familiar with the situation.
  • Avoid Sharing Personal Feelings
    It is always best to keep yourself from sharing personal feelings or experience; doing this will help keep your colleague from relating on a more personal level with you. Just make sure that you are polite without revealing too much about your personal feelings.
  • Stay Away from Cordial Hugs, Kisses, Drinks, or Dances with Members of the Opposite Sex
    To many people, this may appear to be way too extreme. However, even a single hug or kiss involves a certain amount of intimacy. If you need to have a good excuse to avoid a kiss or a hug, you can always say that you are feeling unwell and may have a nasty virus you do not want anyone else to catch. Drinking any alcoholic beverage may tend to relax your inhibitions and it is always best to avoid such situations when you are with a colleague.
  • Take Time To Be With Your Spouse Everyday
    Make an effort to do something for your spouse daily. Even a short phone call saying “just wanted to bug you” can mean a lot. Ask your spouse about his or her day and really listen to the reply. Be affectionate. Make sure you have a lot of photos of your spouse and your kids near your desk to always give yourself a visual reminder of what is important to you.

Helping A Marriage Survive Infidelity

Posted Monday, January 30th, 2012 | Tagged in : After An Affair, Save Your Marriage By Admin

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To most couples, there is nothing worse than infidelity when it comes to marriage. When you know that your spouse has been unfaithful, you feel like a part of you is gone. Infidelity severs the bond of trust that is the foundation of marriage. It can often prove to be fatal to the relationship.Many couples  find it difficult to save their marriage after discovering the infidelity. Making the decision to save the marriage depends on how you feel about what has happened and whether or not your wife or husband is still committed to the marriage.  It should be noted that the decision to try and work things out could be a very long process. This involves preparing to examine your marriage to resolve the problems between you.

The most difficult thing that needs to be done is to rebuild  trust.  This will not be easy. The doubts and the suspicion will take a long time to fade away. And the trust may never fully return between the two of you again.  The serious consequence of infidelity, is that trust may be lost forever. The only thing that can restore trust is seeing a change of a long period of time that shows your partner with actions you have been faithful.

You will need to follow through on promises, be honest with your words and actions, and show genuine remorseful feelings for the hurt you caused. There may be setbacks, when the incident of the infidelity will be revisited. Fights may ensue as memories come flooding back of the infidelity.  So if you both truly want to save the marriage the two of you will need lots of patience.

Make sure that you communicate clearly with your spouse all the time.  Understand that your spouse may want to know where you are going.  What you will be doing.  And he or she may want to know what time you are getting home.

It is natural for your spouse to feel insecure after there’s been unfaithfulness in your relationship.  They may need reassurance from you that everything is alright. And that you are still in love with them.  Make sure the two of you spend some quality time together doing things that you both enjoy.

Accept that infidelity did happen and resolve to may your marriage better.  If it is necessary, seek professional help of someone qualified to guide the two of you through this difficult period to survive after infidelity.